Why We Settle

When we hear the word, “settle,”  with regard to relationships, jobs, friends, etc. we might have a little cringe course through our bodies. We all know settling in any area of life is “bad,” so why then do we do it? It’s hard to admit, but we’ve all done it at some point in our lives in one area or another.

I believe we settle for a number of reasons. The first being fear–fear of being alone, fear of not finding another job, fear of hurting someone’s feelings. Fear is the opposite of love. When you truly love yourself you would never settle for less than what you truly deserve–happiness and joy. In settling, happiness becomes elusive, a mirage that only “other people” get to enjoy. But, when you make the conscious decision to focus on self-love, you will find happiness isn’t elusive, you just weren’t allowing yourself to see it because fear cast a shadow over it.

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Another reason people may settle in relationships is because many believe there is a stigma to being single. But on the contrary, when one is single it is truly a time for self-reflection and healing. The book Conscious Dating by David Steele discusses how one can really learn about the self while single and pinpoint what it is she or he wants in a partner, then she or he can go out and CONSCIOUSLY meet people and find a partner. To be conscious is to be “aware of and responding to one’s surroundings; awake.” In other words to be present with yourself and others rather than floating through life settling for whomever enters into it.

Many people settle in many different areas of life out of habit. It’s perceived as “easier” to stay in a situation rather than move on because it’s the way it’s always been done. But this goes back to fear. Taking that leap can be horrifying, but when done it can also be very rewarding. If you have been at the same job for years and feel unfulfilled that’s your intuition telling you it’s time to move on. That feeling of despondency can be crushing. Sure, there may be anxiety when you leave that job–how am I going to make rent, what if I don’t find something else–but there is always another job. Maybe you take a pay cut but if you feel better mentally the money won’t matter, and when you are more positive, more positivity flows your way. Settling won’t bring you positivity.

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Settling is something we all do at one point or another, but we can get out of it. If you feel like you are settling take time to heal and meditate. Don’t worry about societal pressures. Focus instead on you and your well being. Your mental state improves when you feel happy and fulfilled. Take the steps needed to move forward.

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